“Dost fail ho jaye toh dukh hota hai … Lekin dost first aa jaye toh zyaada dukh hota hai”
When I was a kid, there was this one particular movie that made me question things, one movie that gave me a glimpse of what being a grown up was like– of dealing with failure, of being silenced in the face of it and of overcoming it. That movie was R.K Hirani’s 3 Idiots.
This movie made me realise that life is a competition and an endless battle of comparison and a chase to prove oneself. But most importantly, it made me realise that failure was nothing but only a natural and inevitable part of this struggle for success and happiness, that every single one of us goes through at atleast some point in our lives.
What does failure feel like?
When I asked a few students what they meant by “failure” this is what they said:
Failure is not getting 90% in my finals.
Failure is failing my maths exam.
Failure is not meeting the expectations of my parents.
Failure means disappointment, not just for me but for those who believe in me.
Failure is your best friend having someone else as their best friend.
Failure means losing the football final.
For a student, failure is a feeling of never being ‘enough’. They feel that they have hit the rock bottom and there is nowhere out.
Indeed if we look at the bigger picture, we understand that failure for a student can come in many forms and can come from various sources. The growing pressures from both the internal and external world can contribute to this feeling of failure or this lingering feeling of inadequacy, of not being “enough.”
Pressure from society, peer pressure, pressure from family and most importantly, the stress that we exert onto ourselves with unrealistic goals and expectations, the fulfilment of which leads to a sense of temporary gratification and the failure to do so, in turn, leads to a sense of worthlessness. All of these factors can make us stuck in the loop of a never-ending pursuit of being “enough.”
Thus, students and their mental health are often at their lowest point. I often see my theme being impacted greatly due to this irrational sense of failure that clouds them and interferes with their innate abilities and strengths. On one hand, It makes us forget about our strengths and on the other, it makes us obsessed with our flaws. This only makes you stuck in an unhealthy, endless loop of self-pity, guilt and a stubborn feeling of worthlessness.
For some, they take up extreme measures to put an end to it, and for others, they adopt unhealthy and maladaptive coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, escapism or overindulgence.
And that is exactly why it is so important to have more talks and discussions on students’ mental health and how to cope with failure in healthy ways.
Failure is a natural part of growth and progress, so when it happens, we should remind ourselves not to be too hard on ourselves.
Let’s find out more about where this sense of failure comes from and how to deal with it in a healthy way.
What factors make students think they fail?
There are multiple factors that can culminate in a sense of failure in students, let us take a look at them.
Increased Internal Pressure and setting of unrealistic goals
Constant pressure from oneself to achieve unrealistic goals can lead to unsatisfactory results and lead to low morale, thus resulting in a sense of failure and a feeling of being unworthy and ‘not enough’.
Extreme Perfectionism
Striving for perfection is ideal when done so in a constrained and regulated manner however this perfectionism can very easily take an extreme form and can result in a sense of failure due to a student’s inability to achieve unrealistic goals that they set up for themselves.
Increased expectations from family and teachers
Constant pressure and expectations as well as demoralising by family and teachers can lead to a sense of inadequacy. Unhealthy means of teaching that is inconsiderate of a child’s feelings and individual abilities can really be a hindrance to a student’s complete potential.
Lack of Emotional Support
Unsupportive teachers and family members in addition to inadequate guidance such as constant nagging, unhealthy comparison to siblings, cousins or other students; mocking or insulting can lead to low emotional stability and morale, – thus, leading to a sense of failure.
Lack of Academic Support
Inadequate academic support can lead to a lack of resources for proper academic growth. If students feel they lack the necessary resources or support, they may struggle academically, leading to a perception of failure.
Poor Study Habits and Time Management
Poor study habits or mismanagement of priorities and time schedule can result in ineffective studying. This may be causing a hindrance to a student’s academics. Students who use ineffective study methods or lack proper time management skills may not perform as well as they expect, leading to feelings of failure.
Personal challenges
A student may be facing underlying physical or mental health challenges that can significantly impact a student’s academic performance, leading to a perception of failure.
Issues in personal life
There might also be emotional or socio-economic factors that might impact someone negatively. External stressors such as family problems or financial issues or problems in interpersonal relationships might impact a student’s ability to succeed in academics in a negative way.
Peer Pressure
We often look around ourselves and tend to compare our achievements with that of the others. The grass is greener on the other side, thus, sometimes we tend to over assess other people’s achievements and undermine our own efforts and achievements – leading to a sense of inadequacy and failure.
Fear of Judgement
Fear of judgement from teachers, peers and family members can be a motivational factor for students to take upon unhealthy pressure and burden in their academic life, thus, increasing the prospects of failure and a feeling of inadequacy.
Impacts of Failure on Students
As we can see, failure can have multiple determinants, similarly, failure itself can impact a student negatively in multiple ways. Let’s take a deeper look at these ways.
Academic Impact
1) Toll on Academic progress
An incident or event that raises feelings of failure in a student, such as a bad test result, demoralising by a teacher or an unexpected loss in a competition can cause the student to lose their morale and motivation for further attempts. This reduces their interest or energy to study as they consider their state of failure and their sense of inadequacy as their ‘permanent’ trait. This prevents them from focusing on their academic goals and reduces motivation to study or engage academically.
2) Toll on self-esteem
Failure or a sense of failure negatively impacts a student’s self image, they start undermining their strengths and this leads to irrational thoughts and extreme thoughts, they become more susceptible to jumping to untrue and extreme conclusions ( such as I am a loser, I am worthless, I am capable of nothing) therefore, they lose their ability to see beyond their failure.
Psychological Impact
1) Impact on mental health
A looming sense of failure and inadequacy can result in decreasing morale and motivation levels. This puts extreme internal burden on the student, leading to anxiety about one’s abilities, social image and future. This can also take the form of depression and constant feeling of a void.
2) Impact on cognition and behaviour
The continuous loop of this unhealthy and maladaptive response to failure leads to negative thoughts and depression. This pushes the individual to have poor cognitive abilities such as issues in logical reasoning, memory retention and a decrease in the ability to grasp ideas and concepts. It can also impact behaviour by causing sleeplessness or insomnia, eating less or excessively and other unhealthy behaviour responses.
Unfortunately, in extreme cases where it is not treated properly in time, it can also cause excessive and unbearable stress and can lead to self harm and suicide.
Societal Impact
1) Social strain
Students can face stigma, social pressure and social expectations from familial and peer groups, teachers, parents and others. Students can thus, become the victim of unrealistic expectations while simultaneously having weak support systems can increase this external pressure and burden on the student’s shoulders. Therefore, they can face difficulty in existing in a healthy, independent and self-fulfilling manner in the social sphere.
2) Isolation
Students who perceive themselves as failures may withdraw socially, leading to feelings of isolation and a lack of connection with peers. They may feel like they aren’t worthy of someone’s company and might constantly face a fear of judgement from peers. This can lead them to isolate themselves from other members of the society, therefore, impacting their social life and self-image.
3) Impact on Friendships
Failure can strain relationships with friends, especially if there is a perceived difference in academic success. Students too can have prejudices which they may exercise onto other students due to an unhealthy sense of competition and power dynamics based on academic superiority. There might be peer groups that isolate and treat a student as inferior based on their academic performance. In such circumstances, it is important to find strong, trustworthy and healthy support systems.
Emotional Impact
1) Leads to career anxiety and academic pressures
One single isolated incident of “failure” is enough to make a student feel stressed about the prospects of their career, future and financial goals as well as their own capabilities. Unhealthy ways of dealing with failure can lead to increased academic and employment pressures and difficulties that are difficult to deal with– leading to detriment in one’s own progress and concentration.
2) Fear of Repeating Failure
The fear of experiencing failure again can create a cycle of anxiety, hindering a student’s ability to take risks and try new challenges. This may result in the student being overly anxious about his career goals and capabilities and he might develop a negative self-image. This fear of repeating failure becomes an obstacle in focusing on the prime goal.
Behavioural Impact
1) Avoidance of Challenges
Fear of failure may lead students to avoid challenging tasks or subjects altogether, limiting their opportunities for growth. This may manifest into a form of escapism and passiveness. The student might avoid confrontation and may retract into a shell, thus, hindering their growth and prospect of progress.
2) Procrastination
The fear of failing can contribute to procrastination, as students may delay tasks to avoid the potential negative outcome. This form of escapist behaviour can negatively impact a student’s activeness when it comes to getting a job done and meeting academic deadlines. It is also likely to result in obstructions in time management.
Importance of coping with failure
Personal growth
Coping with failure and being able to overcome it fosters our ability to grow and become a better human being as well as a student. It makes us more adept at being able to focus on academics and other priorities in a healthy manner.
It also leads to the finding of a new understanding of oneself as well as the formation of a newer perspective on life. In addition to that, it also results in an enhanced ability to understand and assess obstacles properly and greater understanding of how to overcome them.
Building Resilience
It is crucial to cope with failure in a healthy manner as it results in the development of resilience to peer pressure and other societal pressures. It also teaches us how to focus on our own goals and the various ways to deal with adversities and obstacles in academic life in a headstrong manner.
Healthy competitiveness
Coping with failure is important as it provides us with a greater ability to cope with the competitive world while also prioritising your mental health and well-being. It teaches us ways to be competitive in a healthy manner.
Better Mental Health
The knowledge of healthy ways of coping is important to maintain a strong mental health. It pushes us to Prioritise one’s mental health over unhealthy expectations and overwhelming competition. It puts emphasis on learning how to regulate internal pressures from oneself as well as the ways to deal with external pressures in a healthy manner. It enriches our ability to maintain peace with ourselves and to healthily engage in studies and academics.
How to cope with failure
It is important to identify personal coping strategies and develop coping mechanisms that are healthy and in your best interest. A majority of students adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, self-harm or escapism that can have adverse effects and can rather add to one’s negative self perception and sense of failure.
It is important to encourage healthy outlets for stress and anxiety that are caused by failure or feeling of failure. So, let’s look into some healthy and effective coping mechanisms that can be used by students to deal with failure.
Acknowledge and Accept
The first step in the process of winning against failure is to accept, affirm and acknowledge. It is important to accept one’s failure and acknowledge one’s shortcomings without blaming oneself. Give yourself time to process your emotions and start working on your shortcomings in a healthy manner. Work towards growing as a student and as an individual in the pursuit of getting better, whenever you feel comfortable and ready. Take it as a motivation rather than as something demoralising.
Self-introspection and Reflection
Reflect on your flaws and appreciate your good qualities, look at the brighter side of things and understand that as humans it is crucial to introspect and reflect on one’s own flaws and work towards rectifying them and trying again rather than being fixated upon them. Understand and affirm that failure is a natural aspect of a person’s growth.
Seek Support from your social environment
Talk to your close friends, parents or any other support systems. It is important to share your internal feelings so let it out and share your emotional anguish with those you trust. Seek for comfort and have conversations with people who can provide guidance, comfort and emotional support. You may also confide in yourself and let your emotions out by talking to your friends or family members in times of distress.
Seek medical/professional help
In case you are struggling with your mental health, and in case you lack a strong support system, please feel free to seek medical and professional help. Therapies can do wonders to get rid of irrational thoughts and maladaptive thought and behaviour patterns that are immensely common among students. Understand that there is no stigma in seeking professional help as it can help a person to grow and adapt to the various adversities of life and strengthen them to lead their life with ease.
Form Peer Relationships
Try to connect with peers facing similar challenges and form a support group to share experiences and find a safe place to express yourself. You may also form study groups for mutual support and collaboration when it comes to academics. Basically, do not let yourself be overburdened by your academic baggage, at times, it is important to rely on others.
Utilising resources
If you are struggling with failure or reaching your academic expectations, It is crucial to tap into academic support services such as career counselling or guidance providers to figure out your shortcomings and devise ways to overcome them by finding clarity on your academic aspirations, strengths and weaknesses. It is also highly important for a student to seek guidance from mentors, teachers or professors when in doubt.
Set Realistic goals
It is important to set goals that align with one’s capabilities. Set Realistic goals that are easy to realise and avoid setting exaggerated and unrealistic goals– the failure of which can negatively impact your sense of self-worth. Work towards realising these realistic and flexible goals and start setting your goals a little bit higher everytime you accomplish the first set of goals rather than trying to achieve everything all at once! Remember, do not put your goals above yourself and your own well-being.
Embracing imperfections and learning from mistakes
Shift your mindset and take your failure as a motivation to work harder towards your goals and reflect on your mistakes and devise ways to rectify them. Learn from your mistakes and strategize ways to overcome this failure with practical tactics and a changed mindset. Embrace your imperfections and channel your newfound knowledge about yourself in your next academic endeavour.
Practice stress reduction and mindfulness
It is incredibly important to adopt healthy coping methods such as yoga, meditation and mindfulness to reduce stress and concentrate focus. These are essential ways to find a balance of peace and productivity. Try out Yoga, meditation and mindfulness as a daily practice whenever you feel stressed, anxious or depressed. Try to practise mindfulness to replace negative and harmful thoughts.
Adaptation and a positive approach to life’s challenges
It is incredibly crucial to learn to adapt to the challenges of life. Adaptation to these ups and downs of life can help in dealing with failure and adversities and treating them as inevitable parts of one’s life. It is important to see failure as nothing but a minor inconvenience. Try to embrace changes and challenges as a natural part of one’s life and try to face them in a headstrong manner.
Creating a supportive environment
Surround yourself with well-wishers and those who can help you and those you can learn from. Creating a positive environment around yourself is an important step to achieving growth and overcoming failure. Seek a healthy circle of friends and peers that motivate you to be your best version. Surround yourself with ambitious, kind and caring people who push you towards growth and progress rather than bringing you down out of spite or jealousy. Also, it is important to keep your study area neat and tidy, this can motivate you to focus better on your studies.
Emphasise On The Power Of Learning:
Try to fix your time schedule and adopt effective learning styles and study strategies for effective grasping of knowledge. Give yourself time to complete your syllabus and study at the comfort of your time schedule. Therefore, it is important to manage your time effectively. If you are someone with a short attention span, you may also use technology or Artificial intelligence to make studying more interactive, engaging and efficient. This will help you to grasp the material more easily and will push you towards success.
Focus on the brighter side
Shift your focus to your strengths, engage yourself in other curriculums, disciplines or crafts which you enjoy and are confident in. Do not put unnecessary pressure on yourself to pursue something you aren’t comfortable with. Focus on the brighter side and explore alternatives and other exciting academic opportunities either for a temporary period of time or permanently.
Celebrate small victories
Celebrate small accomplishments and reward yourself for every little step towards growth, instead of punishing yourself and being hard on yourself. Reward yourself with little sweets or snacks for every time you score higher than the previous time. This boosts confidence and self-esteem. Take baby steps to your primary goal and motivate yourself as you move along the way.
These are some ways in which you can shift your focus to the other aspects of life and work towards overcoming your failure or your fear of failure.
Listen here carefully.
No matter how perfect, cool, amazing, sorted, or successful someone might look, everyone out there has tasted failure at least at some point in their lives.
Thus, It is important to understand that your failure when it comes to one goal, one exam or one academic year or any other event, is not the end of the world.
Indeed, “A single sheet of paper can’t decide my future.” and neither can your failure define you. So, do not let your failure dictate the course of your life, but let your resilience to it be the guiding light in your academic journey. We are with you, always. Guiding you and empowering you throughout the way.
